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SEAN: Dad, based on your research, how many people would you say have been sexually abused?
JOSH: I put sexual abuse and sexual harassment in the same category. I can only estimate, but when I look out into a congregation, I believe it is roughly 25-30%. Some stats are as high as 40 or 50%, and I’ve seen some as low as 18-20%. Also, when I speak to audiences, and I mention about my own abuse, about one-third of the audience indicates by their reaction that they, or a close friend, have been sexually abused.
SEAN: Why don't more people share their abuse? We hear it coming out years later, but how come people don’t share the abuse earlier so that they can experience healing?
JOSH: One factor is shame. Even today, with how open and progressive the church has become, sex abuse is looked at as being shameful, and in some circumstances, the fault of the victim. Second, although I had dealt with the abuse in my own life, I never shared it. One reason for this, looking back, is that people never look at you the same again, whether good or bad. Amazingly, even now, probably the number one thing people bring up in my life when I meet them is my abuse. Many people don’t share their experience because they know it would change the way people perceive them. Third, they don’t share it because they really do not believe there’s an answer for their hurt. They don’t believe they will find a community that really understands. This is why it’s so important for a church to celebrate recovery and create a safe place for people to heal. This is difficult, but it’s critical.
SEAN: What would you say to someone who has experienced sexual harassment or abuse and never shared with anyone before?
JOSH: I would ask a few questions. For instance, what happened? How have you dealt with it so far? Before I make any suggestions, I would be sure to really understand what that person had been through. Then I would emphasize that he/she needs more than Jesus. People get upset when I say this, but its true. For salvation you only need Jesus. But to get healthy, and experience God’s healing, you need the church, the body of Christ. I needed Jim Simpson, Paul Lewis, Dick Day, Fae Logan, Henry Cloud, and Steve Arterburn. I needed others to help me walk through it. And anyone who tries to go it alone usually will not make it. And every day you don’t make it, you’ve lost joy for eternity.
SEAN: How can churches, schools, and families create a climate where people experience healing?
JOSH: First, the pastor and the leadership need to be vulnerable, because almost everyone has experienced hurt to greater and lesser degrees. Many have hurts that they keep quiet. The more the leadership is vulnerable, in a positive way, seeking solutions, the more the congregations will trust the pastor, the leadership, and the church. Second, have people who are willing, who have been through the recovery program, even if they are still struggling with it, share with the congregation either at church or on the website. Finally, put the church policy on the website, and really state in a positive way that it is here for healing, and yet will respect people’s privacy.
Sean McDowell, Ph.D. is a professor of Christian Apologetics at Biola University, a best-selling author of over 15 books, an internationally recognized speaker, and a part-time high school teacher. Follow him on Twitter: @sean_mcdowell and his blog at seanmcdowell.org.