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Recently I had the opportunity to review the book 20 Things We’d Tell Our Twentysomething Selves by Kelli & Peter Worrall. The book is so full of insights, practical wisdom, and guidance for “twentysomethings,” that I happily endorsed it and also highly commend it to you (or the twentysomething in your life). The Worralls also kindly answered a few questions about their new book:
SEAN: What motivated you to write a book to your former "twenty-something selves."
KELLI & PETER: The 20 Things book actually had a very personal beginning. I (Kelli) was working on a completely different manuscript called This Odd House. In This Odd House, I was walking through each stage of spiritual development, beginning—of course—with childhood. And I was looking at some of the factors that affect our faith formation—the role of our fathers and mothers, the role of the church, the importance of attachment, the effect of safety, and so on.
As I was researching for and writing This Odd House, I was also reflecting on my own faith journey. How did my relationship with my so-silent father affect my relationship with God? How did the fact that I rarely felt “safe” as a child influence my ability to trust?
Eventually, then, I came to write about the very important young adult years—when we all must answer big identity questions and must begin the process of owning our faith. And, again, I was reflecting on my own story. When I was in my 20s, those who knew me would have likely said I had the “Christian thing” down pat. I went to seminary. I worked at a Christian publishing company. I was very involved in the youth ministry at my church. I went on multiple missions trips. And I eventually taught at a Bible college.
Soon after I started my teaching job, I met Peter, and we married just months before we turned 30. Our first couple years of marriage were relatively easy and enjoyable. But all too soon, some serious storms hit. Peter’s dad died. We struggled with infertility. We experienced three miscarriages and several failed adoptions. We cared for my ailing parents, who died within 18 months of one another. For about six years, I battled deep depression. Our marriage was showing the strain. I shut myself off from friends. Truthfully, I handled it all horribly. I became furious with God and held onto that anger for way too long.
I was writing This Odd House on the other side of much healing, and as I looked back on my 20s and my 30s, I wondered, what went wrong? How could I have been better prepared for “grown up” life?
In response to those questions, I wrote a little piece called, “20 Things I Might Have Told My Twentysomething Self,” and I posted it on my blog (www.thisoddhouse.org). It seemed to resonate. So I sent it over to Relevant magazine. It seemed to connect with readers there as well. Apparently, these aren’t just 20 things that I needed to know. Apparently, they are 20 things that many of us could spend some time considering.
Moody Publishers suggested that we dig into each of these 20 things in more depth. And so the book was born.
SEAN: How would you describe "twenty-somethings" today? What unique characteristics and challenges do they have?
KELLIE & PETER: Twenty-somethings today are a lot like the twentysomethings of previous generations. They are discovering their identity, and they are trying to connect with people in meaningful ways. However, the context in which these tasks are fulfilled is different from the context which existed even twenty years ago. Globalization, urbanization, and a rapidly changing technological landscape means that new agility and innovation are required.
In the west the economic landscape and the workforce are changing from industrialization to post-industrialization. New skills are needed, and the skills that a college graduate has will need to be upgraded on a regular basis. This is exciting on one level, but it is overwhelming and daunting on another. The idea that a twentysomething can find a firm and settle into a secure job, get a house in suburbia, and find a spouse with whom to live happily ever after is less common. People are changing companies more, marrying later, and often having fewer children.
Today’s twentysomethings also think differently. They often form a mental mosaic of interconnected ideas gleaned from far-flung locations. They can often try and syncretize what they find best about traditional Christianity, mysticism, and scientific research. The church needs to be reinvented to allow them space to grow, but the essential truths of biblical Christianity cannot be jettisoned.
SEAN: If you had to narrow down the 20 pieces of advice to one that is most important, which one would you pick? Why?
KELLI & PETER: I (Kelli) think all of the 20 things boil down to one thing: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” Jesus said it was the greatest commandment. And really it’s the “thesis statement” of the book.
The first few things in the book speak to loving God with our mind: "Examine Your Foundation Carefully, Dig Deeper than Your Doubt, Remain Teachable.”
The next several things explore how we might love God with our strength. They are practical ways in which our faith finds its feet: Foster Good Habits, Feed Yourself, Choose Your Community Carefully, etc.
And the final things in our list focus on the soul issues. They are things like: Seek Healing, Live Loved, and Press into Pain.
For ten years, I (Peter) have taught a class called Faith and Learning at the Moody Bible Institute. The class seeks to apply worldview to how we read books, watch movies, and listen to music.
Unfortunately I find that Christian college students often have a fractured worldview which has evidence of naturalism, post-modern philosophy, and existentialism. In our class discussions, students are regularly amazed at how certain questions can expose errors in the foundation upon which they are building. And of course, if the foundation is off, all of the other things that we try and build in life will be skewed.
I think that coming back to the foundation regularly is imperative. I do it myself every semester along with my students, since the systems of the world still have a subtle way of creeping in.
A more creative way to think about worldview is to examine our life as a story. In a sense we see ourselves as a character in a story. When we are young, we dress up as Batman or Cinderella. When we are older, we align ourselves with pop artists, film stars, or characters from books. This is not all bad. But the bigger question is whether these small stories align with the big story of scripture. Technically, we talk of whether our micronarratives align with the biblical metanarrative.
SEAN: What is your advice for twenty-somethings who experience doubt?
KELLIE & PETER: Doubt comes in more than one way. We experience it intellectually and relationally. This is appropriate because knowledge is tied to relationship. If my relationship with God and his people is broken, doubts ensue. If I have intellectual reasons why faith is difficult for me, usually my relationship with God and his people is strained.
The solutions to doubt are both relational and intellectual. To deal with doubt well, we need to connect with real people who have worked through doubts and who can guide us. As I (Peter) was growing up, I was disconnected from people who thought about things like I did. It made the doubts all the more difficult to navigate.
As we are connecting with people, it is also good to read well. We say, “Dig deeper than your doubt.” Admittedly, Christians sometimes have a reputation for shallow thinking, and this can lead to the belief that we have not wrestled with hard ideas. Through the ages, though, thoughtful believers have stayed faithful to God in the face of many intellectual assaults. And today we have the benefit of many competent Christian apologists. If you don’t know how to find good books to read, connect with someone who can point you in the right direction. I might suggest Sean McDowell. Read deeply and share what you’re reading with others.
Sean McDowell, Ph.D. is a professor of Christian Apologetics at Biola University, a best-selling author of over 15 books, an internationally recognized speaker, and a part-time high school teacher. Follow him on Twitter: @sean_mcdowell and his blog atseanmcdowell.org.