Sean McDowell | October 6, 2020

Struggling with Life and Sexuality: Interview with Kim Zember

My friend Kim Zember has written a new, raw book about her struggles with sexuality. This is an honest book from a restless heart who found peace in Jesus. Whether Christian or not, if you wrestle with questions of sexuality, and are looking for an honest “guide,” I recommend Restless Heart: My Struggle with Life & Sexuality, by Kim Zember. We interviewed Kim for the Think Biblically podcast. Check out this quick interview with Kim:

SEAN MCDOWELL: You were in a lesbian relationship. What changed in your life and why?

KIM ZEMBER: Everything in my life changed, not only my desires and attractions to women, but my entire outlook on life. I finally realized that the life I’ve been given by God was not just for myself but rather to be lived for the glory of God and for others to come to know Christ Jesus in a real, intimate and life-altering way.

MCDOWELL: Do you still have same-sex attraction? If so, how do you deal with it?

ZEMBER: I for sure still find women attractive and am drawn to some women for different reasons but it is not the same attraction or draw I used to have before. I have very strong connections with women, but those connections are no longer tied to sexual desires like they used to be. I have learned that just because someone is attractive, male or female, you can appreciate their beauty without sexualizing it.

MCDOWELL: What is one thing the church can do better in engaging LGBTQ conversations?

ZEMBER: I believe it is absolutely essential to the body of Christ that we have transparent conversations (not arguments) where people within the LGBTQ+ community know they are safe to discuss their feelings and concerns and will be welcomed as human beings who are loved by God.

With that, I think we as church need to ask the Lord to help us to continue to learn how to love individuals even when do not love their choices or actions. As a church we need to love all people within the LGBTQ+ community without condoning any sinful actions a person is making. We need to continue to operate in the love AND truth of Jesus Christ. We need both love and truth–otherwise we are changing God into what we want instead of who He is.

We also need to be sure we are not picking and choosing which sins we think are worse than others. All sin separates us from fully receiving the love of Christ. God offers forgiveness for people from all types of sin.

MCDOWELL: Do you believe someone can be gay and Christian?

ZEMBER: I believe someone can have same-sex attraction and be Christian. Do I think a person is living out the true and radical call of a Christian if they are choosing to act on their same-sex desires? No, I do not. Yes, someone in a same-sex, sexual relationship can be seeking Jesus and desire to follow Him but to be a true Christian we are instructed by Jesus to ‘deny ourselves, pick up our cross daily and follow after Him’. We are called to follow God’s ways, His loving commandments, and as difficult as that may be for each of us in different ways, it does not change what Jesus lays before each one of us when He invites us to be His followers.

MCDOWELL: Why did you write this book, and what makes it unique?

ZEMBER: I wrote this book because I so desperately looked for someone who I could relate to when I was seeking answers. I needed someone who could maybe understand me to a certain degree. I wanted to hear how someone else was dealing with their struggles. I wanted to know I wasn’t alone in my struggles. I wanted help.

When I wrote this book, I felt called to keep the focus and fingers pointed at myself and on my journey and not other people and their journey. I didn’t hold back, I put everything out there, the pain, the hurts, the horrible decisions, the mistakes – its all out there for whoever can and is able to relate.

Sean McDowell, Ph.D. is a professor of Christian Apologetics at Biola University, a best-selling author, popular speaker, and part-time high school teacher. Follow him on Twitter: @sean_mcdowell, TikTok, Instagram, and his blog: